In Limbo

We're living in limbo lately and I'm tolerating it surprisingly well, no thanks to any steely resolve of my own, but thanks to the bigger idea that I'm not the only one steering this ship. There's a shift on the horizon in Logan's vocation, which will in turn, shift our lives entirely. The only problem is that we're unsure about what that shift looks like. There's a stirring in him that says to put down roots in a body of Christ again. To worship, write music with, and shepherd a central body over the grander Church Body for a while. This is huge. It started with a quiet desire in our separate hearts, caught some fire at his first admission to me, and has been kindled by the movements of God in the direction our life is taking. But that's all we know. We know that we'll land somewhere, but the where and the when haven't become clear yet...so we wait in limbo. This could drive me insane (and depending on the day, sometimes it does), but for the most part I am content. I know that in the meantime we'll be provided for and sustained emotionally and financially, so I sit on my hands and try not to disengage or lose myself to restlessness. I'm giving it my best effort to stay present in our here-and-now, rather than moving on before I know where to move on to.

The peace in my spirit is overwhelming and I'm enormously thankful for it. Sometimes I feel like maybe the "normal" thing to do is to worry, so maybe I should try that for a while for the sake of something to do...but that doesn't feel right either...so I get comfortable back in limbo again. The strangest thing is that I have no complaint, other than I have nothing to complain about or celebrate about. LIMBO. Just...waiting...

I wrote this many months ago, before we found our new church home via a job offer from a church here in our home town.  There were several offers actually, all at once, but the more we pursued them, the more this one appeared to be home.  I like reading this post, which I left as a draft until now seeing as how we weren't sharing that particular life-change with many people at that time, because it's part of this bigger story that we're still writing and experiencing.  I find great joy and hope in where I've been, even when the "where I've been" was hard.  It reminds me that's there's always light, even when I can't see it yet.  

Coming to September

The season is changing again and I'm unprepared as usual. With each shift I find myself wondering where the time went and this season is no different. August was a major month in the Martin house this year; it marked the 6-month birthday for Maddox, who is an utter joy, it brought a Martin family reunion, and the beginning to Logan's longest tour yet.

My baby is 6 months old! Nearly 7, now, and seeing the way that he has settled into this family is a joy that I can't even articulate correctly. It's as though he were meant to be in our family all along, even before he was a light-blue "+" sign on my bathroom counter, he was somehow supposed to be part of our family and no one else would have fit the way he does. There was a Maddox-shaped void in our family that was unrecognizable and unnoticed until he came and filled it. He's quick to laugh, always bright-eyed, patient, determined, constantly moving, working on two little teeth, and trying to sit up. He has enormous chubby thighs and the most perfect little toes I've ever seen--in fact, the nurse who did his footprints in the hospital took 20 photo-copies and shoved them in my bag, making me promise to distribute them to everyone because she too thought they were perfect.

The Martin family reunion was also a first camping trip for this little family, and I'd call it a success. I'm certain Elias thought he'd found heaven. Outside all day, every day, for four days. Little boy perfection. That is until we tried to bathe him in a shower stall. Mistake. Won't happen again. I kept waiting for authorities to bang on the door, demanding the tortured screams be explained. Overall it was wonderful getting to know extended family and introducing the boys to canoe rides, sleeping outside, campfire time and cousins. Elias is still calling most kids he meets "cousin!" and I was regretful to wash the campfire smell out of our belongings when we returned. A close to one of our first family-of-four memories before saying goodbye to Logan for 18 long days.

I'm writing from somewhere in the middle of Logan's east-coast tour and have nothing of substance to say about that, except that it's hard. It's hard to see how Elias misses his Daddy and it's hard making the life-shift that's required when he's on such a lengthy trip. Both myself and my boys (mostly Elias for now) have to mentally move into another way of doing life--the single-parent way where days are a series of carefully crafted schedules to reduce the amount of stress in our home. The nap-time dance, the feeding-time dance, the bath-time dance--trying to meet the unique individual needs of each of my kids at the same time. Every day that I do it alone I wonder in amazement how true full-time single-parents do it. How do they go a lifetime without a partner in the most difficult job I know? I'm thankful for the support system I have in friends and family...without them I would be reduced to a puddle of nerves in the wake of my little ones' demands and my children would be even worse for wear. So for now, each day is a new day and we just keep moving and wishing the time would pass at lightning speed rather than tortoise speed as it often seems to do when one is waiting. Waiting to hear Elias' belly laugh as he wrestles with Daddy in the other room, waiting to hear Logan over the baby monitor in the morning, meaning I'm granted some extra sleep, waiting for this space in my bed to be warm again, waiting for a yummy meal off the grill, waiting for a decompression partner at the end of the day. Waiting for my partner. I'm so proud of the music he makes and the people's lives he touches, but mostly, tonight, I just want him back!

So, to those of you who are sleeping next to your loved-one tonight, enjoy! To those who are single-parents: you're my hero, keep up the good, tough, endearing, important work that you do. And to those who are missing someone or watching the sand in an hour glass for some other reason, won't you please share your time-passing secrets with me?

"Shhhhhhooooo"=Airplane

I am proud to say that my talented husband is officially touring. Elias and I delivered him and the band to PDX early Monday morning and we won't see him again until November 22. I'm thankful for two things right now: 1) Elias and I took an airplane trip to see family in S. California just a couple weeks ago, so he's familiar with the concept, 2) Elias was there to see Daddy go to the airplane. Now every day when Elias wakes up in the morning, and again when he wakes up from his nap, and again when we sit down to dinner and again when I'm tucking him in bed and he asks for his daddy, I can tell him that Daddy left on the airplane and we will go get him from the airplane when it's time. Sounds complex for a 17-month-old to wrap his mind around, but it seems to appease him most days. Now when he asks for Daddy, I can say "where is Daddy?" and he replies, "shhhhoooooo" which, for those unfamiliar with Elias-speak, is code for "airplane."

I have wonderful people who love me checking in on me with the "how are you doing?"s and the "do you need any help?"s and so far my "pretty good!"s and "no, I think we got it"s are the honest truth. I do intentional things to make time move as quickly as possible and hopefully that works for the full three weeks of husband absenteeism. I'm used to going it alone and independence has never been a sorrowful (or lonely) thing for me; what I was not prepared for was how to help my toddler "miss" someone. And not just "someone," but his very favorite "someone." He breaks my heart a little bit every morning when he calls for daddy from his crib and then has to settle for me--again.

The bright side, however, is that Logan is doing what he loves and he's serving God and people in a specific way that not many are called to do. He is so uniquely and perfectly gifted for it, too, that I can't imagine him in any other capacity. Not that he wouldn't be successful: he's one of those obnoxious folks who is good at everything they try, but I don't think anything else would fit him quite as perfectly. So, if you haven't ever had the pleasure of a Logan Martin concert, jump on his site and check out the rest of the tour dates (and a preview of one of the songs from the NEW RECORD), and if you want a laugh or to feel involved (as I SO desperately do) check out the band's video blog. And if you see him before I do, tell him that his two biggest fans couldn't be more proud of him, and we can't wait to see him.

Tour Dates

The Logan Martin Band video blog

The gift of Helps

First thing in the morning, Logan set out to install the new TV mount...and it took him twice as long because he had "help." This little guy is passionate about helping!

Armed with the instruction guide and his tool of choice (a baseball rattle), Elias is ready to show his Dad how it's done.

Way to go boys!

Hi to Daddy in Uganda!

Just wanted to let you know what I've been up to. Mom is taking pretty good care of me, but I miss you lots. Lately I've been playing with new toys and hanging out with buddies. Grandma Garrett came to visit us and we had fun with her. I have to get my shots on Tuesday and Mommy is dreading that, but tomorrow we're going carseat shopping because I'm over 20 lbs now and too big for the one I have! There will be lots of changes when you get back, but I tell your picture goodnight every night before I go to bed and I'm ready to hug you when you get here in just 5 more days!


Mommy and I love you and we miss you!


Love,
Elias

New Tricks!

Here's a couple of video updates! NEW TRICKS!!! Rolling over, and reading with mom...

He loves storytime! Every night after his bath and before his bed time he gets to read. In the last couple of weeks he's become VERY interactive. He loves to feel the textures in his book, and even more so, he LOVES to turn the pages and even close the book! Man, he's growing fast!

-Logan

Eye Heart You Son

Hey ya'll...Logan here. Just a short update on our beautiful son Elias Reid, who is 3 Months old now. I know that most people do the whole "weeks" thing, but that just seems weird to me. My son is 10 weeks, 26 weeks, I am 1,248 weeks. Also, baby clothes are separated by 0-3 month not 0-12 weeks, so it just seems to make sense. Anyway, Elias is doing SO well these days. He is huge and healthy and learning more "tricks" everyday! He grabs toys, tries to turn the pages of his books during storytime, and just started adding the most precious giggling noises to that beautiful smile of his. As he gets older, he begins to look more and more like his mother. He has Erica's eyes, and even more so, her eyebrows! For those of you who know my wife, you know what I'm talking about. Eli can tell me EXACTLY how he feels with a simple shift of one or both eyebrows. The other day he was really tired and I thought that I was being a VERY FUNNY dad. My son simply raised One of his eyebrows and gave me a look that said, "Really dad, your gonna do that right now?" Oh how I hope he uses his powers for good as he gets older...

Enjoy the pics, and thanks for keeping up with the Martins!

Post Baby Shower Bliss

Holy Cow! An excavation is definitely required...

...and the "Daddy" jobs begin.

Success!

Nursery saga continues...

We are finishing up the last mural that will go in the room. Finally! We started a pile of turtles from the Seuss book "Yertle the Turtle" and they're coming out great. Thank goodness, because bending down and standing up are two of the hardest things for me to do these days and those actions are pretty crucial to mural painting...in fact, they're pretty crucial to living life now that I think about it. Maybe I should start carrying one of those hand-held extendable claws for when I need to pick things up...

Truffula Trees 'n more!!!

Hey Ya'll Here is what we've been working on in the Baby's Room:

We started the Truffula Trees this week. We had transparencies made from the Dr. Suess book "The Lorax", but the over-head projector didn't work. We were kind of bummed, and then I said to Erica, "I think we can free-hand these." So we gave it a shot. First we took chalk and did a basic outline.

Then we filled in the chalk outline with white paint so that we would have a consistent background color to work with. Doesn't look too bad so far...

After the white had dried, we wiped off the chalk outline and started filling the trees in with color. It was pretty much like a gigantic coloring book! Keep inside the lines!!!(my wonderful wife did a fantastic job)

Now it's time for the finishing touches. The black outlines and details...

TA DA!!! Truffula Trees! It's like you're actually looking at a Dr. Suess book!!

It's blank for now... eventually it will say his name, which is...well...we're not sure yet.

Thanks to Grandma and Grandpa Garrett for the beautiful Dresser & Hutch. (I think that's the first time that you guys have been called Grandma and Grandpa publicly... how's it feel?)

Our child has nicer furniture than we do!

So that's where we are so far. We have one more mural to paint and then

some things like...well...the curtains and what not.

But I can't believe it's coming together!

It seems like we are getting ahead of the proverbial "ball", but then

I think, "Only 12 more weeks!!!" and I begin to freak out again!

We're not REALLY freaking out. Actually, we are SO excited to begin this wonderful, beautiful, tiring journey of parenthood. Thanks for being there, and being so supportive. The help we have already received from our friends and family has been fantastic. We look forward to sharing more with you in the weeks to come.

Be Blessed,

Logan