Monday, November 12, 2012

In Limbo

We're living in limbo lately and I'm tolerating it surprisingly well, no thanks to any steely resolve of my own, but thanks to the bigger idea that I'm not the only one steering this ship. There's a shift on the horizon in Logan's vocation, which will in turn, shift our lives entirely. The only problem is that we're unsure about what that shift looks like. There's a stirring in him that says to put down roots in a body of Christ again. To worship, write music with, and shepherd a central body over the grander Church Body for a while. This is huge. It started with a quiet desire in our separate hearts, caught some fire at his first admission to me, and has been kindled by the movements of God in the direction our life is taking. But that's all we know. We know that we'll land somewhere, but the where and the when haven't become clear we wait in limbo. This could drive me insane (and depending on the day, sometimes it does), but for the most part I am content. I know that in the meantime we'll be provided for and sustained emotionally and financially, so I sit on my hands and try not to disengage or lose myself to restlessness. I'm giving it my best effort to stay present in our here-and-now, rather than moving on before I know where to move on to.

The peace in my spirit is overwhelming and I'm enormously thankful for it. Sometimes I feel like maybe the "normal" thing to do is to worry, so maybe I should try that for a while for the sake of something to do...but that doesn't feel right I get comfortable back in limbo again. The strangest thing is that I have no complaint, other than I have nothing to complain about or celebrate about. LIMBO. Just...waiting...

I wrote this many months ago, before we found our new church home via a job offer from a church here in our home town.  There were several offers actually, all at once, but the more we pursued them, the more this one appeared to be home.  I like reading this post, which I left as a draft until now seeing as how we weren't sharing that particular life-change with many people at that time, because it's part of this bigger story that we're still writing and experiencing.  I find great joy and hope in where I've been, even when the "where I've been" was hard.  It reminds me that's there's always light, even when I can't see it yet.  

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