Saturday, September 3, 2011

Coming to September

The season is changing again and I'm unprepared as usual. With each shift I find myself wondering where the time went and this season is no different. August was a major month in the Martin house this year; it marked the 6-month birthday for Maddox, who is an utter joy, it brought a Martin family reunion, and the beginning to Logan's longest tour yet.

My baby is 6 months old! Nearly 7, now, and seeing the way that he has settled into this family is a joy that I can't even articulate correctly. It's as though he were meant to be in our family all along, even before he was a light-blue "+" sign on my bathroom counter, he was somehow supposed to be part of our family and no one else would have fit the way he does. There was a Maddox-shaped void in our family that was unrecognizable and unnoticed until he came and filled it. He's quick to laugh, always bright-eyed, patient, determined, constantly moving, working on two little teeth, and trying to sit up. He has enormous chubby thighs and the most perfect little toes I've ever seen--in fact, the nurse who did his footprints in the hospital took 20 photo-copies and shoved them in my bag, making me promise to distribute them to everyone because she too thought they were perfect.

The Martin family reunion was also a first camping trip for this little family, and I'd call it a success. I'm certain Elias thought he'd found heaven. Outside all day, every day, for four days. Little boy perfection. That is until we tried to bathe him in a shower stall. Mistake. Won't happen again. I kept waiting for authorities to bang on the door, demanding the tortured screams be explained. Overall it was wonderful getting to know extended family and introducing the boys to canoe rides, sleeping outside, campfire time and cousins. Elias is still calling most kids he meets "cousin!" and I was regretful to wash the campfire smell out of our belongings when we returned. A close to one of our first family-of-four memories before saying goodbye to Logan for 18 long days.

I'm writing from somewhere in the middle of Logan's east-coast tour and have nothing of substance to say about that, except that it's hard. It's hard to see how Elias misses his Daddy and it's hard making the life-shift that's required when he's on such a lengthy trip. Both myself and my boys (mostly Elias for now) have to mentally move into another way of doing life--the single-parent way where days are a series of carefully crafted schedules to reduce the amount of stress in our home. The nap-time dance, the feeding-time dance, the bath-time dance--trying to meet the unique individual needs of each of my kids at the same time. Every day that I do it alone I wonder in amazement how true full-time single-parents do it. How do they go a lifetime without a partner in the most difficult job I know? I'm thankful for the support system I have in friends and family...without them I would be reduced to a puddle of nerves in the wake of my little ones' demands and my children would be even worse for wear. So for now, each day is a new day and we just keep moving and wishing the time would pass at lightning speed rather than tortoise speed as it often seems to do when one is waiting. Waiting to hear Elias' belly laugh as he wrestles with Daddy in the other room, waiting to hear Logan over the baby monitor in the morning, meaning I'm granted some extra sleep, waiting for this space in my bed to be warm again, waiting for a yummy meal off the grill, waiting for a decompression partner at the end of the day. Waiting for my partner. I'm so proud of the music he makes and the people's lives he touches, but mostly, tonight, I just want him back!

So, to those of you who are sleeping next to your loved-one tonight, enjoy! To those who are single-parents: you're my hero, keep up the good, tough, endearing, important work that you do. And to those who are missing someone or watching the sand in an hour glass for some other reason, won't you please share your time-passing secrets with me?


  1. Erica,
    This entry is so beautiful. I cannot even begin to imagine how difficult it is for both you and Logan to be away from each other for this stretch of time. I know that we don't know each other, but I have felt compelled to pray for you as Logan is on tour. And I do pray for you, every day. I am struck by how very enamored the two of you are with each other. How each of you is the other's biggest fan. You talked in this entry about how much you love Logan's music and I want you to know that, when he was here, he spoke of what an incredible writer you are and how he hopes that you write a book someday. (He recommended your blog, which is how I ended up here.) He is so incredibly proud of you! I will continue to pray for you, Logan and the boys. I pray that God continues to give you the strength and grace to get through each day. I pray that God will speak to the deepest part of your heart in a way that leaves you in awe of Him. AND, I pray that the time passes quickly! :) Take heart! Stacy Hall

  2. Erica,
    My husband is a truck driver, and is gone most of the week, every week, so I can understand how you feel. We have 2 teenage daughters. He misses a lot, and we miss him. But I know God is using him, through his kindness and generosity he ministers to people across the country. Knowing that helps, and you can be sure that it it also true of Logan.

    Wendy Marlatt

  3. Stacy, thank you for your support in ALL the ways you've freely given it! I'm so thankful for people like you who pray us through our adventures and provide encouragement!

  4. Wendy, I have, on numerous occasions found kindred spirits in truck-drivers' wives! I think it is the closest thing to a musician's wife I have found and I'm glad we "get" one another! Thank you, too, for the encouragement. There are some days where that truth (that my husband is acting as an instrument in a larger picture) is what keeps me going!

  5. Erica,
    Just thought I would let you know Stacy and I are friends, go to the same church, and are fellow youth workers. Logan has blessed our church a few times now. Also, my husband came home this weekend with a new vision for his ministry while he is out on the road! It makes me proud of him and makes the time apart easier.

    Wendy Marlatt
    (by the way, I have to post this under anonymous because for some reason my google acct will not let me sign in)