Tuesday, September 21, 2010

The streak continues

After much anticipation and more social media hype than I intended, I downed my 24oz of water (a pregnant woman's nightmare) and waited for a nurse to call us back to our ultrasound. "Interested in gender?" asked the tech, "ABSOLUTELY!" I blurted. "Do you have a preference?" she inquired. Logan explained about his overpowering Martin-ability to produce males. 3 nano-seconds later she laughed, I saw the definitive between-the-legs shot, and she said, "looks like the streak continues...it's a boy! DEFINITELY a boy. And he's not shy!" It's true, our second son bounced around spread-eagle for quite some time as if to say, "Read me loud and clear, mom, I'm NOT a girl!" I think he was mocking me. I love him already. I loved him before then, but there's something about seeing your child squirm around on an ultrasound picture that gives him a new sense of reality and permanency that can carry a mom through the last 20ish weeks until they meet face-to-face. I have a friend, whom I adore, who is walking an adoption road right now (thank you, Becca, for your insight, your honesty, and your perspective), an alternate and equally poignant journey to motherhood. I think of her now and I believe that getting a referral and seeing a picture of your child would have a similar effect. It's just knowing more about the little one that you've already given your heart to that propels you through the rest of your wait until you can hold them in your arms.

Something strange happened to me while I lie on the ultrasound table, trying to forget about my throbbing bladder: my ache for a little girl in my life was obliterated at the sight of my youngest son. Perhaps, down the road it will return, as Logan and I discuss the direction of our family, but for now, in my here-and-now, this little boy is exactly what was intended for our family. It was always him, and he's supposed to be a him. Elias is supposed to grow up with a brother. I'm supposed to be a mom of boys (maybe always, maybe for now). It was strange to realize that he's what I wanted all along, even 3 weeks ago when I was praying in Fred Meyer over the baby girl clothes that God would give me someone to put them on.

We called family to let them know we were tossing another little boy into the Martin pool and we were met with this odd, apologetic tone a lot of the time. This wracks me with guilt, so let me be clear RIGHT NOW: there is not a shred of my being that was let down when that tech giggled and I saw my baby boy. Not even a little. If God ever gives us a baby girl I will be THRILLED. If God gives us more little boys to love I will be THRILLED. In equal measure. I don't know how to explain that but it's the honest truth.

Oh, and p.s. Wal Mart lady, you were wrong.

1 comment:

  1. I love you deeply wife! You are an AMAZING mother, and a PERFECT wife....and a pretty stinking good writer too! Can't wait to raise these boys with you!